Have you ever felt like God was wanting to take you to a place you hadn't ever been? I am there. I have these thoughts and desires that God is calling me to be consecrated/set apart/devoted to God. I mean REALLY devoted. The only problem is that I am not totally sure what that means. I have these crazy desires to throw out the t.v., home school, have a life centered around the Bible, to have my children wake up with the sounds of their parents travailing on their behalf. (The only problem is I dont really know how to travail. I really only barely know how to pray. There are even times I feel weird when I am calling out to God. How can he really hear me through this ceiling? How can he really heal someone? How does he have that power?)
Why when so many are starting to step away from the standards of the old church, am I being pulled towards them? I struggle/even fight against, on some level, the desires that are pulling at me. Is this God calling me to be seperate? Is this me just...........what? What else could it be? How do I break the habits that in some ways have me bound and keep me from taking those first steps? What really are those first steps?
I was baptized and got the Holy Ghost when I was 7. Billy got the Holy Ghost this past July 13 after coming to church for almost 5 years.
Starting last fall we began to really set our sights on God and started making decisions to raise our family in a way that would honor him. There was a momentum that built and we could just feel the intensity every Sunday. As we were down in the altar, we could tell God was changing our lives. After July 13th, everything went downhill. We just let life take over. I was pregnant, then we had Wyatt, then school, then fall festivals, then illnesses, then......yadda....yadda...yadda.
Yesterday was the first time I felt the power of God moving in my soul, urging me to continue on the path we started on last year. I prayed "God, give me the strength and courage to raise these children the way you want me to." I am so scared. Scared my friends/family will think I am fanatical, scared my kids will be bored without the t.v., some things sound so trivial writing them here. Fact is, I need a confimation that these desires are from God.
Sorry to ramble but I had to get this out.
3 comments:
Our first calling is always to our spouse and our children. The hardest part is shutting out the voices that try to tell us differently than what HE says... just keep listening... you're on the right track! I want to discuss this more with you... I love you the most-est!!!
I once wrote in my prayer journal that I felt I was "raising dinosaurs." Now as my 5 are adults, I do not regret the fanatacism one bit. Keep following your instincts. They will never lead you astray!!
As I read your blog I so understand what you are saying. I feel that God is leading our family and me in a direction that really excites me and at the same time it scares me to know that God is using ME! This is what we pray for. God use me, I'm that willing vessel. I too struggle with getting "off track" but God's will is where I always want to be and He always brings me back on track. Sounds like you are doing as awesome job. I will pray for you and your family. God is moving.
My girls only wear skirts and we have had no TV in the past. The kids did really well on report cards last six weeks and I thought I would reward them with cable. WRONG THING!! My son told me the other night, "mom you know I could hear Jesus talk to me more when we didn't have TV." WOW. He's 5 years old!! THE CABLE IS GOING!!!
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